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Building Our Home: A Saga – Part 1

Whose idea was it to build a home in the middle of a pandemic? Oh, that’s right. Ours. At the time, we were so naïve as to how the pandemic would impact the housing market. All we could see was the cash we were sitting on being in Zane’s nearly-paid-off house. So we came up … Continue reading Building Our Home: A Saga – Part 1

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2020

When I started this blog in 2020, I had intentions of documenting a six month journey back to me, a journey of finding myself and my happiness. I had planned to talk about our new chickens, our garden, mental health, personal development. Enter COVID. Then my dad fell ill and was hospitalized.Then my stepmom died … Continue reading 2020

A Doer

I’m a thinker. An over-thinker.A watcher.A researcher.A debater.A someday-er.A that-could-never-be-me-er.A chew-on-the-fat-until-there’s-no-flavor-left-er. I’m not really a doer.  Sure, I got good grades in school. I keep a good job. I do what is required of me to be a functioning member of society. But when it comes to the things that matter, my dreams, my aspirations, my … Continue reading A Doer

Losing Dad

I wrote this as I sat at my dad’s bedside on Saturday… Dad can barely wake now. He doesn’t know I’m in the room with him. Today is day 7 since he has eaten and he is only getting fluids when he takes his pills. That will stop soon too. This morning my sister could … Continue reading Losing Dad

Thanksgiving

How does one mentally prepare themselves for the last Thanksgiving they will ever have with their dad? 😪

Anticipatory Grief

On Saturday, I yelled at my dad. Like, really yelled at him, cursed at him. I guess grief is unpredictable like that. I’ve read about the stages of grief. What I didn’t know is that they don’t happen in order. My emotions bounce around from feeling anger to feeling numb to feeling devastation. And we’re … Continue reading Anticipatory Grief

Directionless

I have always been ambitious. I have been an over-achiever and perfectionist for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been goal-oriented. I’ve always been working toward something – being the first in my family to get a college degree, getting a promotion, becoming debt free, running a business, getting in shape. In recent … Continue reading Directionless

Life Advice from Dad

I had really thought this blog would be different. I thought I’d write about life at home – the chickens and ducks and dogs. I thought I’d write about family recipes and encouraging messages. I thought I’d write about my weightloss journey and my philosophies on life. But it seems all I can write about … Continue reading Life Advice from Dad

Serenity

When losing a loved one, I sometimes wonder if it’s better when they go quickly, or when it’s expected. On one hand, I can only imagine the pain of suddenly losing someone, their being ripped from someone’s life in a moment’s notice. All of the questions that linger afterward. On the other hand, the emotional … Continue reading Serenity

The Hard Stuff

I told my therapist this today that I feel like a different person than I was at the beginning of the year. “How could you not be after everything you’ve been through this year?” she said. Sure, she’s right. But this doesn’t feel like me. I used to feel so optimistic and uplifting. I feel … Continue reading The Hard Stuff

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